Don't get me wrong, life is very full and (thankfully) still vibrant, but part of me remains who is having to reinvent herself just to recognize herself too.

I am having trouble figuring out what to do about my feelings towards my father and family in general most of the time. I love him, I miss him but I am awkward in how I can come to deal with it. There simply isn't a good answer.

For several months I worked non-stop on a catalog and software deadline for the company I have now been with almost a year. I was at the office regular fourty hour blocks plus additional twenty more added up from working over at night after everyone had left.

This helped me deal with the Holidays (Holidaze?) better but I admit I know that pushing something away isn't "dealing" with it at all.

I'm still going to my Weight Watchers meetings and had lost almost twenty three pounds at one point not long ago, but have gained some back in the recent month. I'm trying not to beat myself up for it and take with me a phrase they throw out in those meetings often (paraphrased several ways):

Striving for excellence is great but striving for perfection is defeatist.(This is so true. Why do so many of us feel we have to be or do everything perfect?)

Tonight I've also realized that I've now been living in the Huntsville/Madison area for over five years. That just doesn't seem possible but it is. I lived in Florence for eight, so I am now well over the half point in terms of city familiarity.